The, uh... *cough*...Elijah List

This afternoon is the first time I ever looked at the Elijah List website, though I’ve heard of it for years. I think I may puke.

The Elijah List is a haven for a lot of charismatic screwheads who don’t think the Bible is quite sufficient as far as God’s Word goes. These shysters think we must have more. We must be current. We must be relevant. What we need here, people, is more Dr. Suess. Yes, Dr. Suess.

From the Elijah List I have just learned that Horton Hears a Who, far from being merely a clever, enjoyable children’s story, really contains God’s prophetic secret strategy for ending abortion. Now the plan is rather vague, but it has something to do with everyone screaming at the top of his lungs. It doesn’t say what we should bellow, or to whom. Whether we should scream individually or in unison is also unclear. What is clear is that Horton has big ears and a big nose. That, and Christians shouldn’t be Jo-Jos, because Jo-Jos are dubious, lazy characters, and almost as bad as Ho-Hos. Really, folks, God can't get this thing done unless we ALL yell.

Or how about this gem of a hyperlink?

CHUCK PIERCE: "The Pomegranate Represents HEALING, PROSPERITY, AND OVERCOMING!" (Get our Pomegranate Anointing Oil While Supplies Last!)

Yes, folks, if Dr. Suess ain't your thang, we can sell you some anointing oil or a painting or something.

Well-meaning prophets of Baal. Today they’re shrieking, tomorrow they’ll jump around wildly. Who knows, maybe they’ll go all the way and start cutting themselves.

What really bugs me is that I know people from my church take this crap seriously. I can’t believe it. No wonder there is no real vision or word from God. God has allowed us to suffer famine, to be destitute as we run to and fro looking for “words” on the internet and making a mockery of Theodor Geisel, trying to find something to tickle our ears and give us a little spiritual jolt. The God of all the universe loves us, but that doesn’t mean He’ll play our goofy word games or cram Himself into the graven images we've made.

I’m starting to think people would rather have miracles and prophecies and shiny pretty things than Jesus Christ Himself. We’d rather have a show than hear the unadulterated, pure Word of God. We are always looking to the next guest speaker, the next “now word,” the next mountaintop experience.

You know, the church deserves to be laughed at right now. I think Elijah would agree. He’d think his “list” is pure chicanery--he’d probably ask God to destroy the internet on its account.

Sometimes I think it serves us right to not find real satisfaction until we find it in Him, and Him alone. Sometimes I think we deserve our barrenness.

...is it because there is no God in Israel to inquire of His word? ~ 2 Kings 1:16

“Behold, days are coming, declares the Lord GOD, “when I will send a famine on the land, not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, but rather for hearing the words of the LORD. People will stagger from sea to sea and from the north even to the east; they will go to and fro to seek the word of the LORD, but they will not find it. In that day the beautiful virgins and the young men will faint from thirst.” ~ Amos 8:11-13

And the child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he lived in the deserts until the day of his public appearance to Israel. ~ Luke 1:80, of John the Baptist, the prophet who came with a word from the Lord after 400 years of Divine silence

Annas and Caiaphas being the high priests, the word of God came unto John the son of Zacharias in the wilderness. ~ Luke 3:2, of a “voice of one crying in the wilderness”