Meant To Live

Four A.M.

Had disturbing dreams through most of the night of a girl I loved in easier, unhappy times. She's a ghost now, a shadow in my subconscious, yet she still walks the dusty earth.

Help me, Father, to embrace your will for me today, whether it means comfort or suffering. Protect me from the snares they have laid for me.

I woke up with the chorus of this Switchfoot tune stuck in my head:

Meant To Live

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

My first day back to work after ten days off was much, much worse than expected. But like most days or events, it could have been worser still.

Sunday morning went fine. People laughed, people cried, one guy fell asleep. But edification was rampant.

I'm getting a toothache in the uppermost molar on the left side of my cranium.

My sister and her family left a couple of hours ago to make their way back to North Carolina. Their visit was really nice, though tiring (for me). We went to the beach, and to Trap Pond. We destroyed a gas grill, caught Delaware on fire, got wicked sunburns, and killed two troublesome chickens who had the audacity to poop all over our steps and walkway. The kids got along and there were no outbursts or any crazy dramas, which is rare where family is concerned. Rebekah and I shed some tears when they left.

I have to preach tomorrow morning, and I haven’t finalized a message yet. I may go to the church for a couple of hours this afternoon to pray and type out some notes.

Two families in the church were somewhat traumatized yesterday when a young couple who’ve been engaged a long time broke off their marriage...though I guess it’s more accurate to say the groom broke off the marriage, and he did so in a cowardly, hurtful way. I don’t judge him for being an inconsiderate bastard, because I’ve been one at times. But he threw an entire community of family, friends, and most of the members of our church into turmoil. The wedding was scheduled for today, and he told his fiancé last night that he “wasn’t ready” to get married. Of course the bride and her family (our next door neighbors) are agonized and angry.

All that to say, people are going to be coming into the church with that in their hearts and minds. So I’m feeling some pressure. Father, what do You want me to say? What’s on Your heart?

Jess and I have been blessed by acts of kindness and grace this week.

Jesus was a rotten preacher...

...and He probably would have flunked seminary.

Today I was reading an essay about sermon preparation. Here’s the conclusion:

“Sermon preparation is a five-step process that includes selecting a text, studying the text, developing proper applications, organizing the sermon and preparing for sermon delivery. The preacher begins by selecting a text that relates to the spiritual needs of the audience. A careful study uncovers any timeless principles contained in that text. If a principle is relevant to the audience, the preacher must develop appropriate applications based on that principle and then verify them by personal experience. The material is then organized into an outline that captures the results of prior study and articulates them in terms that everyone can understand. Lastly, the preacher practices sermon delivery to optimize oral communication of the message.”

I read it and a bunch of red flags jumped out. How do we determine whether a text is “relevant to the audience?” What does “personal experience” have to do with truth? Is it really possible to articulate truth “in terms that everyone can understand,” since truth is apprehended by faith and not discerned by the natural man?

By these standards and expectations, the Sermon on the Mount (and most of Jesus’ other teaching) was a beastly failure. He often seemed to have no central thesis, His points did not move logically and topically, He tended to skip around, and a lot of times His answers to people's questions seemed to have no relevance whatsoever.

Most shocking, He spent His ministry talking right over people’s heads, which is unforgivable in Christian circles. People couldn’t understand what the heck He was talking about and He was constantly misquoted and misunderstood. (Nothing really changes.) He was frustrating to listen to. No wonder His poor disciples finally said with relief, “Lo, now you are speaking plainly and not using a figure of speech.”

---

1 Corinthians 2

And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away; but we speak God’s wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory; the wisdom which none of the rulers of this age has understood; for if they had understood it they would not have crucified the Lord of glory; but just as it is written,

“THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
AND WHICH HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”

For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.

But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.

With Shouts of Joy

The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. - Zeph. 3:17 NASB

Yesterday the Lord entrusted to me a second son, Ryan Benjamin. Jessica’s labor was short and the delivery was very fast. The boy is active when he’s awake; Jessica says he’s “all movement,” flexing his arms and kicking the air non-stop, just like he was in utero. He’s going to be a little tank.

My sister Teresa, her husband Chans, and their three offspring are thinking about coming up from North Carolina to visit for a few days, perhaps on Wednesday. That would be nice.

I have a lot to do on my week “off.” I need to make up my mind whether I’m going to study Bible at Regent University (I was accepted as a student) as there is paperwork I haven’t completed. I have to prepare and finalize notes for a sermon on next Sunday morning, and consider options for acquiring a van to accommodate my family of six. If my sister comes with cousins, Catherine will celebrate her sixth birthday on Thursday. I need to make contact with Daugherty and do a brochure or something for the purity conference scheduled in late October. And sometime or other I’d like to meet with the Pastor and his associate to air my concerns about the two of them.

I need to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit this week.

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. - Zeph. 3:17 KJV

Whispered Truth

To hear the voice of God, we must intentionally deny a million other voices all around us. When I look at the media, the things that are being said in the world, the things that are being said in the church, it's reminiscent of the daily scramble in the New York Stock Exchange, or a Where's Waldo? book. People waving and screaming. Clamor. Frenzy. Nothingness.

Jesus walks somewhere in the chaos, unassuming. Wisdom calls, "Will you come and follow Me?"

Is it any wonder that so few hear, and even fewer say "Yes?"

Here I am on the eve of becoming a father again. I took tomorrow off from work, and all next week--nine days. This will be the most time I’ve had off from work since I quit running freight for Swift and came back home over a year ago. I don’t take off unless I’m very sick, because I can’t afford it.

There’s a good chance Jessica will be induced tomorrow sometime. I’m not really nervous about it...why would I be? I’m not the one practically having my body split in two. Jess and I have prayed about her labor and the delivery. That’s all I know and that’s probably enough.

Another baby coming, no increase in income, no prospects. We need a van and more living space. I have a constant desire and frustration to speak to the people of God so that I can grow in service to the Lord, yet God Himself seems to be limiting me. I’ve prayed about all these things, and beyond that I don’t know what I should do.

My next door neighbor is a man whose decisions have blessed my life. He and his family are in a difficult situation right now: his financial resources are being drained. It occurred to me today that I need to have faith for him because his faith is my faith. That is, in many ways I’m trying to be obedient and trust the promises and Word of God in spite of contrary circumstances, and in spite of the fact that I don’t see a lot going on (especially in finances). He’s in a similar place on a much grander scale. More zeros at stake.

Tomorrow I will hold an eternal soul in my hands and welcome it to existence.