Bible Study, November 23, 2008

Bible Study, November 23, 2008

Matthew 13:18

Jesus explains the Parable of the Sower to His disciples; He later explains the parable of the Tares. When they ask, He expounds (though He does not do so for the multitudes).

Vs 19 - Though we perceive information with our mind, Jesus says the Word falls on the heart. The heart is where decisions are made and where faith operates, not with the mind. (See Vs 15: “understand with their heart”)

“...in whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” 2 Corinthians 4:4

Vs 20-21 - WHEN, not “if” affliction arises because of the WORD (not because you’re a jerk or are trying to force people to be like you).
- Note: Sometimes we are caused to stumble by situations we don’t understand. Sometimes God doesn’t seem to make sense. Jesus isn’t talking about a person who questions God (like Job, Abraham, Moses, David, Elijah, and many prophets did), but a person who falls completely away from faith because of adverse circumstances.

Vs 22 - Discuss: What is the “worry of the age?” What is the “deceitfulness of riches?”
- These things render the Word unfruitful in our lives.
- The worry of the world/age refers to personal worries, family worries, national worries, whatever vies for our attention and causes us to fear. These are the “thorns” which entered the world as a result of sin. (Political parties in the recent election, for example, used fear as a motivating factor in trying to get you to vote for a certain candidate. The current economic crisis is a “worry of the age.”)
- The deceitfulness of riches refers to the spiritual apathy that results when people live to pursue wealth. They have passed from the “worry of the age” to believing a lie about the security of money. This chokes the Word as much as care did. (Sodom and Gomorrah were wealthy, God warned the Israelites that they would grow apathetic when they entered the Promised Land and built homes and grew vineyards, the Laodicean church said they were “rich and increased with goods” and yet the Lord was outside of their fellowship.)

Vs 23 - 100, 60, 30 - percentages of increase.

Vs 24 - A second parable comparing the Word of God to “seed.” In the Sower, Jesus discussed oppositions to the Word that come at a personal level, and have to do with personal choice. Here He discusses opposition on a larger scale, as an enemy faction that seeks to destroy the purposes of God.
- Genesis 1:29-31 Then God said, I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food. And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
- “Good seed,” is pure seed, with other kinds of seed removed. It is the Gospel without mixture, the Truth given in Love.
- Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. - John 12:24

Vs 25 - While men were sleeping - an allusion to the failure in the Garden of Eden. Are we sleeping? Are we at ease when we should be on watch (1 Peter 5:8)? The enemy comes when we are off-guard.
- “his enemy” - This speaks of a subtle, concentrated effort against the Lord as Creator.
- Q: Can Satan uproot a believer? A: Absolutely not. He can only attempt to frustrate you through his agents, the “tares.”
- “tares” - probably darnel rye, a poisonous weed, whose roots became entangled with the roots of the wheat
- “wheat” - Wheat was essential to making bread, which was a staple food in Jesus’ time.

Vs 26 - As the wheat from the “good seed” is growing, the tares become evident.
- Q: How do “tares” manifest themselves in the world around you?
A: In poisonous people. (Unequal yokes, vindictive, angry or wounded people, false teachers/prophets, people who are unwitting intermediaries for the evil one; 2 Tim. 2:26.)

Vs 27 - Q: Have you ever been tangled in someone else’s mess? Have you ever questioned the Landowner?
- Q: What would happen if God always quickly uprooted every thing and person in your life who caused you difficulty?
A: There would be no opportunity to learn faithfulness and maturity. Even Satan in the Garden had his purpose.
- God will uproot the weeds in His time.

Vs 28-30 - “First the tares.” At the point where the wheat and darnel were budding, the buds of darnel would be removed and burned to prevent re-infestation or mixture into the harvested wheat. The tares are removed while the wheat remains.
- Now we are obscured, but the day will come when the sons of God will shine with the brilliant reflected light of their Father. (Romans 8:19)

Vs 31, 32 - A third parable concerning a seed. Note: a seed. One. Small in the eyes of the world, but of greatest significance to the believer’s heart.
- Q: Are you minute, small? When Jesus fed the 5,000, how much did they have on hand to complete the task?
A: The point of this parable is that it doesn’t matter how little you have. What matters is where you place what you have, Who your faith is in.
- It “becomes a tree,” mutates, grows to immense proportions related to its beginning. (Cf. Psalm 1 - “a tree planted by the rivers of water,” and elsewhere (Isaiah?), “trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord.”)
- “the birds of the air” - a reference to the Gentiles being grafted into God’s plan, but also to the fact that our experience and growth in the Lord provides rest, shelter, and comfort to others.

Vs 33 - Leaven is usually a symbol of sin in the Bible (Galatians 5:9: A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough.), but here Jesus uses leaven positively. Each of the three “seed” parables had to do with a man. This parable is about a woman, a wife performing her normal function in making bread.
- The “woman” symbolizes service and submission.
- “Three measures” of meal symbolizes impartation to the whole life: body, soul and spirit.
- “hid” (For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3)
- Point: it takes a small amount of yeast to affect a large amount of flour.
- This is a picture of putting faith into action. It is not enough to simply hear the Word. We must take practical steps to receive the truth into our lives.

Vs 34, 35 - Parables reveal truth to those who are open to receive it, but hide truth from the hard-hearted.

Vs 36: - If Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand, odds are the multitude didn’t understand, either.
- Q: Would Jesus have explained this further if He hadn’t been asked?
- Q: Do you have any particular passage of Scripture that troubles you because you don’t understand what it means? What is your attitude when you encounter difficult truths? Do we ask?

Vs 37: Jesus doesn’t rebuke them, but unfolds the parable to them plainly.

Vs 38-43

Vs 44: - Q: Have you ever found a valuable item (jewelry or money) in a public place?
- “a treasure hidden” (Colossians 2:2 “...Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.”)
- People buried valuable possessions in Bible times to protect them from theft. (Do not lay up for yourselves upon earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. - Mt. 6:19). This parable is a first-century version of winning the lottery. The text implies the man found the treasure by accident. He recognized its value, and was willing to part with everything else in his life in order to gain possession of it. Do we value the Lord?
- Revelation 3:18 - I advise you to buy of Me gold refined by fire, that you may become rich, and white garments, that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes, that you may see.

Vs 45-46 - Pearls were not farmed in Jesus’ day as they are now. There was no diving equipment. Pearls were extremely rare and difficult to find, and were therefore immensely valuable.
- The merchant is “seeking.” Where the man in the field found his treasure by accident, the merchant is intent on finding something of great value.
- Psalm 27:4 - One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to meditate in His temple.
- Everyone is seeking “goodly pearls.” (Wealth, health, education, jobs, homes, etc.) But Jesus is the pearl of great price.
- Q: What am I seeking?

Vs 47-50 - A dragnet is pulled along the bottom of the water, and picks up everything. Separation comes at the end. (A similar point as the parable of the Tares.)

Vs 51 - Q: Is it possible that the disciples fully understood “all these things?”

Vs 52 - This is a perfect summary of the kind of teaching Jesus has been giving them: timeless truths delivered in fresh ways, treasures new and old.
- “the head of a household” refers to a man paying for services regarding the affairs of the house, keeping the treasure safe until it is needed. He brings out some of last year’s dried fruit or wine, and some of this year’s grain for the benefit of visitors. He would not, like the scribes of Jesus’ day, use his treasure (knowledge) for power and prestige.

Vs 53-58 - Jesus returns to Nazareth (where He was once rejected); this was His last stop in his hometown during His lifetime.
- Jesus was in no way limited or powerless because the Nazarenes didn’t believe in Him. He “did not many miracles there” because miracles are of no value unless people have faith. Miracles will not change unbelieving people’s minds.

Starving Jesus--40 Days of Nothing

Just bookmarking this for myself so I can watch it later.

The Bentley Affair

Todd Bentley and his wife have separated in the wake of what the Fresh Fire Board of Directors have called "an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff."

From ReligionNewsBlog.com:

J. Lee Grady, editor of Charisma, a magazine for Pentecostals based in Orlando, said Tuesday the news of Bentley’s marital troubles would likely further polarize those following the revival.

“A large segment of the movement has been skeptical from day one. They’re going to see this as a natural progression. Others who have been following Todd are going to be spiritually shipwrecked. We’ve most definitely seen through this revival a lot of people are not grounded in Scripture, so for them, it won’t be an issue,” he said.

Other interesting viewpoints expressed here.

Hebrews 2:17, 18; 4:15

Therefore, He had to be made like His brethren in all things, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.

1 Timothy 4:13-16

Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.

1 John 3:16

We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Dream, 6-22-08

I have had prophetic dreams in the past, by which I mean I’ve dreamed about future events that have taken place. In one case, I dreamed a teenaged girl I was working with had an accident on the road and flipped her car. The next day I told her I’d dreamed about her and we both laughed. When she left work I said, joking, “Be careful on them roads, wild girl.” She called about a half hour later to tell me my dream had come true.

Earlier in my life, when I was about 15, I dreamed about two women who attended my parents’ church. In the dream they murdered my parents, put their flesh in a stew, and began eating it. They stood over the big boiling pot like witches over a cauldron, stirring constantly. (No doubt the recipe for boiled preacher calls for constant stirring...ha ha ha.) I told my father about the dream and he said, “That is from the Lord.” At the time these two women were gossiping and stirring up a lot of trouble in the church, brazenly declaring their superior spirituality. They caused a tremendous rift and many in the church left as a result.

Another time I dreamed that my family suddenly had to move away from our favorite home in Southern Maryland. I told my parents about the dream. A week later, my mother told me my dream was coming true, as we were going to have to move. (To Delaware, as it turned out.)

I don’t talk much about things like this because the church--and I mean especially Pentecostal and Charismatic churches, here--is so far off track as far as God’s Word is concerned that they mistake things like this for spirituality, or place visions, dreams, angelic visitations, gold fillings and mystical experiences in higher regard than they should be placed. People erroneously (and sometimes subconsciously) think we need two or three dramatic confirmations about things God has already declared. And they forget that God will allow a “false word” or a lying prophet to show up to prove His people: that’s why a story found in 1 Kings 13 has always fascinated me.

Anyway, last night I slept with the kids in a tent we’d purchased to go camping in. (We set it up this weekend for a kind of dry run, just to be sure we know how to set up a tent and sleep in it before we get somewhere else and realize we’re idiots.) Before I went to sleep I was thinking about Jacob at Bethel, on the lam, sleeping in the open air with a rock for a pillow when he saw the vision of the angels ascending and descending the ladder.

The Dream

In the early morning hours, I had this dream:

Our church’s former assistant pastor was officiating a service at our church. I was sitting in the back, not really participating in any of the events taking place (like normal). Presently I became aware of a serious disturbance outside the sanctuary and rushed into the hallway. When I got to the hallway, all was dark and quiet. The doors in the hallway were closed. I opened the door of the nursery (the first door on the left), and there were several dead men on the floor, face-down. I could see the blueness of their necks and hands, and blood blossoming out from wounds underneath their fallen frames.

I closed the door and went back to the sanctuary. When the assistant pastor stepped off the podium and began to take a seat, I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. I told him softly, “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but all your brothers are dead.”

He was visibly moved and at the point of tears as we walked to the nursery together and I opened the door. But the dead men had changed to several children I recognized from the church. They were lying in the same way, face-down, and they were dead, but also hogtied and gagged.

When I awoke, the picture of bondage and death in the dream left me feeling a little freaked out, but the meaning seemed obvious. I’m not sure what, if anything, God’s trying to tell me with it, considering it’s old news.

The Meaning

This would be clear to anyone who knows the history and current situation at our church, but I figured I'd offer a few lines about the symbolism of this dream.

The assistant pastor of our church was appointed and dismissed from service under dubious circumstances, without the blessing or input of the congregation or any communication whatsoever before the events occurred. He was not even a member of the church before being placed in his "pastorhood," which caused offense from the very start. This put him in a difficult position, and he often felt isolated and unsupported. He left as quickly as he came, causing many hearts (including mine) to grieve and question how his situation was handled from start to finish. He was a central figure in my dream.

Over a year ago, a men's group was started at our church with the understanding that the men were disconnected and inactive as members of our church. We felt that something needed to be done to rectify this problem: men needed to be unified to do the work of the Kingdom together, to lead and direct the spiritual pursuits of their families and the church. Consequently, questions were raised about how the former assistant pastor came to be placed in his position, how he came to leave it so quickly, and how our church chooses leaders to begin with. Questions were also raised about the role of women in church (though it was obvious that the role of MEN in church was the first thing to be worked out). As these two issues were confronted, a disintegration occurred, and the Word of God proved to be the dividing line.

The men were face-down in the nursery, bleeding; these were the "brothers" who were dead. The nursery symbolizes a place where new life learns to function, where little kids play, build things, fall down, laugh and cry. In this formative place, at the cusp of a world of new discovery, the men were wounded and silenced.

On the second visit to the nursery, the men had turned into children from the church. This speaks of the effect the silence, wounding, and demonic resistance toward men as leaders has on the next generation.

Cautions I've been thinking about.

If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder, and the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them; thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. ~ Deuteronomy 13:1-3

And he said, Hear thou therefore the word of the LORD: I saw the LORD sitting on his throne, and all the host of heaven standing by him on his right hand and on his left. And the LORD said, Who shall persuade Ahab, that he may go up and fall at Ramothgilead? And one said on this manner, and another said on that manner. And there came forth a spirit, and stood before the LORD, and said, I will persuade him. And the LORD said unto him, Wherewith? And he said, I will go forth, and I will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets. And he said, Thou shalt persuade him, and prevail also: go forth, and do so. Now therefore, behold, the LORD hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these thy prophets, and the LORD hath spoken evil concerning thee. ~ 1 Kings 22:19-23

Conformity

I have no plans of trying to become the waffling, sissypated, sniffle-snaffle milktoast man they’re really hoping to see. Does that mean I'm unteachable, that I lack wisdom, that I'm proud? I hope not. I just want to be conformed to the right image.

For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren. Romans 8:29

Forgiveness

I was pretty lazy on Saturday, and at one point I found myself watching some kind of weird show on one of the major networks about forgiveness. It wasn’t a Christian show at all, but I’d been thinking about all the chaos in church and people I respect acting...well...not the way I’d expect grown men to act. I’ve been going around in a funky stew for weeks because of cover-ups, lies of omission, denials, fraud--all the stuff I hate about myself and my history that I’ve seen in our church environment lately. Besides not knowing what to do or say in the wake of it all, I’ve been feeling downright pissed off.

So anyways, I’m watching this show called Choosing to Forgive, and it’s testimonies of these people from different faiths and walks of life who’ve suffered some horrific trauma and have chosen to forgive the person(s) responsible for their loss and anguish.

The Lord commanded us to forgive because forgiveness is about our freedom. Forgiveness is for the wounded first, and for the perpetrator second. Forgiveness sets me free even if people don’t realize they’ve offended me, even if relationship is impossible.

Anyway I realized while watching that show that I needed to forgive the people who didn’t listen, or judged me, or said they needed my input but really didn’t want it, or hid themselves behind a spiritual mask, clutching their fig leaves, or are just plain obtuse, or said they care but never bothered to ask how I’m doing. I don’t have to understand these things. A thorough analysis would bring no real peace.

The only thing to do is to choose to forgive, and ask the Lord to keep my heart soft toward others. He loves them despite their shortcomings, same as He loves me.

Don’t Know About You, But I Am Un Chien Andalousia

The men’s meetings at church have been abolished by the leadership. Only God knows why. It probably has something to do with me and my trenchant, odious mouth. There was a lot of talk, that’s all. High talk. Nothing of substance. Flatulence. Finest vanity I’ve seen in my whole short life.

Now: silence, wondering, and more dreaming.

Something going on in Florida proved to be a sad distraction away from what God was saying to the group, to the important issues being brought to bear in the hearts of men on the local level. There is so much I would like to write about the Florida thing, but I won’t. Suffice it to say that a temporary miracle (they are all temporary) is not as important as the message of the cross: sinful man, blood atonement, wonderful Redeemer, and Him crucified. Any great “move of God” that isn’t ensconced in a message of repentance, godly sorrow and the Cross is questionable, miracles or not. That’s what defined the movements of the Wesleys, Jonathan Edwards, George Whitefield, Charles Finney, and D.L. Moody, as well as (obviously) the message of the apostles and prophets. I haven’t heard much of that coming out of Florida. It surprises me how long Todd Bentley can talk without ever getting into the Word. I like what Gamaliel said: “If this counsel or this work be of men, it will come to nought: But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God.” On the other hand, I won’t favor Gamaliel’s counsel over Jesus or Paul or John. False prophets are out there, and they prophesy--they don’t churn butter. False teachers teach. Things have to be questioned, proved, tested. Jesus said people would stand before Him proclaiming miracles they did in His name, and He would say “Depart from Me, I never knew you.” There has to be more than emotions and miraculous signs.

And anything God says or does in the church-at-large should not detract from what He is stirring at the local level. This is where I feel we crashed and burned.

More than ever I wonder what I’m doing, what my purpose is, why I go to church. The church is in as much of a dark age as those precipitating the appearance of John the Baptist and Martin Luther, but as in Laodicea there is no acknowledgment or recognition. Sometimes I feel like the only one awaiting not a great end-time revival, but a great falling away. I am weary of this world: I want to see Jesus.

And I also wonder why God doesn’t always give an answer or bring clarity. There was no divine intervention or obvious “present word” when Paul and Barnabas argued over John Mark, or when the early church debated whether Gentiles should be circumcised. They just had to hash the thing out and sometimes division resulted.

There was extreme drama in the family for the past few weekends. My mother has sold her house in North Carolina and is moving to upstate New York, where she was born. My siblings are not on speaking terms.

The guy I’ve been training for the past four months quit last week after being disciplined by our supervisor. He was a mere eight days from taking his driving test, and he was definitely ready to pass it. Nice kid. I miss him, especially since I don’t have his help anymore and my days last week were all 12+ hours. I felt bad that he quit, since he’d worked so hard for so long and was on the verge of getting his Class A license.

I am waiting, holding myself before the Lord in every sphere: job, vocation, finances, church, living situations, relationships. I was thinking this morning that no matter where I have been in life He has always been present, has always given me hope. The early church sang this song:

If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

Well Shut Mah Mouf...

Insane week. I took Tuesday off because I was sick all last weekend, probably from working in downpours on Friday and gale-force winds and rain the following Monday. Plus my aunt (Dad’s sister) was in town with my uncle and two of my cousins. We went and met them in Rehoboth for lunch. I got tired of them quick. My aunt has the focus and clarity of ten wadded strings of old Christmas lights. She was telling me about my two cousins (both female) living with a guy in their apartment in D.C. At least one of them sleeps with him.

“Three’s Company,” I remarked. “Remember that show?”

She laughed and then said, “Well, society might say they should get married but we’re very liberal, me and Jack. We always thought the best thing to do was to let them find their own way.”

“Mmmm,” I said, tight-lipped. I was thinking society doesn’t want them to get married at all...unless they’re gay. Later on she told me about how much she likes reading C.S. Lewis. Stupid. Four hours in their presence was enough to hold me another couple of years. It also made me miss my father somewhat.

It’s not that they aren’t nice. They are. They just seem confused and I felt sort of sick and hungover and out of sorts talking to them.

Then yesterday, Friday, I had the chance to work in the pouring down rain all day again, and today I woke up, had some coffee, finished a novel I’ve been reading about soldiers on the front lines with the Israeli Defense Forces (Matches, by Alan Kaufman), did some shopping for a motorcycle online, mowed the grass, took a shower, felt nauseous, laid down, took a nap, and woke up with a fever.

This week at men’s meeting I made a guy so angry he ruptured a blood vessel in his eye. Me and some others asked questions about some concerns we’ve had and were (nicely and indirectly) told to shut up.

I’m not sure what do about it. I put so much mental energy and prayer and thought into the thing, and now it seems like it was all in vain. I suppose I’ll go to maybe one more meeting before I stop wasting my time and just go back to using Sunday mornings to write notes and letters in my composition book.

I don’t like being the guy who, with honest words, makes people bust veins in their head. Let them have what they want, I say. Maybe in the future I’ll be more careful about casting pearls before swine.

On my mind this morning...

In today’s church, personal experience is held in higher regard than what God says. Everyone has his opinions, his perspectives, his iniquities. The enemy’s relentless attack on the family and the unity of the church has left us stupid and unguarded, yet full of strange conceit. In my church, this manifests as a subconscious pride in being “charismatic” or Spirit-filled. “Well, at least I’m not a Methodist or a Catholic or a fundamentalist.”

If we (the American church) knew what God says about children, would we still make it a goal to prevent birth?

Why is it the norm for Christian mothers to work outside the home?

Why do Christian men avoid church, or slink away from the consequences of truth while they’re in church?

Why isn’t the church telling the truth? Is it because we know that if we start to embrace truth, people will certainly get angry and leave? Does watering down the Word or tiptoeing around God’s perspectives really help anyone? What was Jesus’ example? Paul’s?

We are distracted by what God is saying and doing in other places. Some might think, I wish I could go to the oasis, the place where God is moving, so I could have a refreshing drink. (I’ve thought this before.) But God wants to give us a drink right where we are, and then He wants to slake others through us. Assuming we lived a hundred years ago before television, satellites, Internet, fast mail and easy access to books, how would the local church be spending its time? What would it have to guide its functioning and behavior?

Why are we afraid of questions?

Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being quite deceived, fell into transgression. But women shall be saved (preserved) through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint. 1 Timothy 2:9-15

Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper (disgraceful) for a woman to speak in church. 1 Corinthians 14:34, 35

Horrible. Horrible! Passages like these make me wince. I doubt they were surprising, provocative, or controversial in the First Century, though. A patriarchal society was the norm for the Jews and most of their neighbors. A patriarchal society is what God established and ordained, throughout the Word, Old and New Testaments. Here’s the divine order:

GOD

MAN

WOMAN

CHILDREN

Several years ago, I had set my heart on devoting some serious study to the roles of men, women, and children in the home and in church life. I had a lot on my mind--divorce and abortion statistics, the widespread acceptance of preventing life (birth control), the fact that moms are working instead of raising their children. I remember feeling very grieved because the church of Jesus Christ seemed to possess the same attitudes and behaviors as the surrounding culture. Instead of the church affecting the world, the world was affecting the church. These thoughts and prayers were what was swirling around in my spirit just before Inscrutable Girl reached out to touch me for the first time.

Now I am thinking about them again.

Women have gotten used to covering their husbands, instead of the other way around. And men are accustomed to letting women run the works, thinking they’ll somehow escape responsibility, accountability, work. The church is up to its eyeballs in the lie of the culture. The lie is very simple: men as fathers, husbands, and leaders are basically unnecessary.

Masculinity in America is a handicap, a social problem. A boy's inherent maleness needs to be trained out of him, sedated, withered. He needs to learn to be nice, even when that means lying or keeping silent.

God is calling men. He wants men to lead. This isn’t a new revelation. There isn’t going to be any way to compromise what God has said or find a middle ground to make everyone happy. No. Either the church will embrace the plan and purpose of God in humble submission to His strange and marvelous ways, or else it will stagger and reel into bed with Babylon the Harlot.

Paul: “I want the men...to pray.” 1 Timothy 2:8

The Lamb is a Lion

This is a song by Michael Card, and it's from the first CD I ever purchased with my own money (I think I was about 15). It's been in my head the past month or two.

The Lamb is a Lion

Weak from the journey, the long traveling days
Hungry to worship, to join in the praise
Shock met with anger that burned on His face
As He entered the wasteland of that barren place

Chorus
And the Lamb is a Lion who's roaring with rage
At the empty religion that's filling their days
They'll flee from the harm
Of the Carpenter's strong arm
And come to know the scourging anger of the Lord

Priests and the merchants demanded some proof
For their hearts were hardened and blind to the truth
That Satan's own law is to sell and to buy
But God's only way is to give and to die

Chorus

The noise and confusion gave way to His Word
At last sacred silence so God could be heard

Chorus

Just a bout with diary-a

I haven’t been updating here much. I’ve been trying to work out some ideas for the manuscript of The Book in my free time, as well as fomenting a bunch of trouble at church, all of which is probably going to go nowhere except to get me in a deeper state of perturbation.

I haven’t cracked my Bible in a week and a half.

I’m currently self-medicating my allergies with shots of Southern Comfort. SoCo does nothing for the sinus cavities, I don’t think, but it does kill brain cells, which might fool my head into thinking it’s fine. Everything’s good up here, man, don’t worry.

My mother still hasn’t landed a job and hasn’t paid her mortgage. This morning on the phone she suggested that maybe I should move down there and take her house. She says she’d move to New York with her sister, whom she always fought with violently. It sounds pretty stupid. I wish I could do it. I’d like to be closer to my siblings. We’re still in Delaware for two reasons: (1) Jessica won’t leave her mother, and (2) God won’t release me from our church. I’m sort of hoping the bouncers of the church (the deacons) will wallop me good and toss me out in the gravel, so I can be free.

But even if they did, I still have friendships here that are valuable. That’s noteworthy because I couldn’t have said that three years ago.

I jogged five miles yesterday morning, and three miles before church today. I’m trying to get back into a healthy lifestyle and stop being such a voluminous dick.

I met with Jerm for lunch yesterday in Salisbury and we had a nice talk. It cannot be disputed that some hearts are being stirred in God’s mellifluous, hidden way. A lot of men are tired of being so sedated and suppressed, and that goes for Christians, non-Christians, Everyman. Something good is about to happen in the church, and I’ve got a feeling it’s going to piss some folks off.

It needs to, maybe. The whole church experience in America is so out of order and out of touch with the needs of men, it’s a circus. A damned circus, really, and I don’t know how much of it can be salvaged. For me the choice is, Am I going to keep dipping in the same safe, stagnant tidal pool I’ve always known, or am I going to jump into the frightening, dangerous white water and let the current carry me where it wills?

Yesterday Jessica ordered the following books for me. I’m so uninspired lately that I took them off an acquaintance’s reading list.

Matches, by Alan Kaufman
The Idiot, by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler
Farewell, My Lovely, by Raymond Chandler
The Fall, by Albert Camus
On Writing, by Stephen King

Any blog post that uses the words “voluminous” and “mellifluous” is just too prolix. Lord, I’m ashamed of myself.

Sometimes you eat the bar, sometimes the bar eats you...

My cell phone rang around 10 P.M. two nights ago, and though the ring wasn’t enough to stir my exhausted self from sleep, the little message-waiting bleep did. I listened to the voice mail and it was my mother. She’d been drinking. She wanted me to pray for her because she’d been fired from her job of the past seven years or so. Mean people at work were telling lies about her, people who don’t know as much as she does, but she was sure God would take care of her...somehow. I didn’t call her back because you can’t really get anywhere talking with slobbering, hysterical, wasted folks.

Same tired old bullshit, though. Loop to laughter, fade to black.

God will take care of her. Oy. This from a woman who’s gone bankrupt twice.

I called my sister to see if she knew the real deal, because I know people don’t get fired by social services agencies without committing a crime, or not meeting expectations for a very long time. Teresa thinks it was the latter. She said Mom’s been dropping out of life a little bit at a time, letting her house go, letting her job go, letting herself go. The same way our father did.

At 56, she’s the same age as Dad when he died. I can’t imagine how she is going to find employment in a similar pay range to her old job. She’s already not paying her bills. How will she make her mortgage?

Teresa said she doesn’t think Mom cares anymore.

The thing with my mother: no matter how much trouble and pain she's in, she can never say “I was wrong.” My mother is a perpetual victim, everything bad that happens is because someone doesn’t like her, is picking on her, or not treating her right.

The whole thing has me thinking about how uncommon it is for people to grow up. Maybe that’s what the last post was about, because truth’s been on my mind. Everyone has problems, everyone makes mistakes. But not everyone learns from those mistakes. Some people (and families and churches) just keep riding the same creaking old carousel. Doesn’t matter how sick they get, they’re more afraid of solid ground, so they won’t get off.

A book I enjoyed reading last year was The Glass House, by Jeannette Walls. She captured so beautifully what it’s like to be a child in an alcoholic’s house, the strange contradiction of her mother’s artistic side and her father’s seemingly endless intelligence, wit, and knowledge of the world, while at the same time living in squalor, starving most of the time, moving constantly, being abused, feeling ashamed about things that weren’t her fault, trying to bear the weight of the world, exerting massive energy--even as a little girl--trying to save her folks and make them happy, lying about everything. And thinking, This is the way the world is, this is normal.

* * *

Ten years ago this morning, I watched my first baby come into the world. There is a supernatural aura in delivery rooms. I felt weak-kneed when I saw Beck for the first time; it was overwhelming. I wept. I couldn't stop looking at her little pink frame through my tears.

I've felt the same with all of our kids, but it was most memorable with Beck because she was the first. Jess and I had talked for nine months with anticipation and wonder of "the baby," and how our lives would be when the baby came, and then I could see her on the other side of the delivery room crying as she was being wiped off, a nurse standing over her with a clipboard, recording her APGAR score. She was no longer an unknown, intangible person.

In small form, it makes me think of what it will be like when at last I depart the womb of this world to cast my eyes on the One I have hoped in, and anticipated, and trusted.

"Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed." ~ John 20:29

Truth (Psalm 51:6)

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

The more I live, the more I'm convinced that truth is simple. It's accepting truth, receiving it into ourselves, that is difficult because we are liars; our natural state of being is to be very afraid of truth.

What's more, I know this: we don't acquire truth merely by reading the Bible, talking about it, or listening to a favorite teacher.

For I would have you know, brethren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man. For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ. ~ Gal. 1:11, 12

The truth is not an idea, even though our religious and intellectual reasonings find comfort--familiar ground--in trying to reduce Him to ideas and concepts. Truth has to be made flesh (John 1:14), it has to make its way into our experience before we can know it, or speak with authority about it (and not as the scribes/lawyers/learned men).

...that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. ~ Eph. 1:17

1 Samuel 21 & 22

In chapter 21, David lies on two occasions. Once to Ahimelech the priest (to get some holy pita bread and the big honkin’ sword of Goliath), and once to Achish the king of Gath (to remain in an unkilled state). I wonder why David chose to go to Gath--Goliath’s hometown--toting Goliath’s sword. Seems like the natural conclusion of the Philistines would be just what it was: “Hey, here’s the dude’s been killin’ our people. Let’s squish him like a bug.” So why go there?

Besides that, was it really necessary for him to deceive these folks?

In chapter 22, we get a glimpse of how God’s anointing on David caused serious problems for others. His brothers and his father’s house were dislocated from their homes and forced to flee and wander. Then the priests of the Lord were murdered. Both of these things were a result of God’s plan in David’s life.

The purpose of God in the anointed’s life affects family, friends, the Body of the Christ, even nations. I feel conflicted when I think about it, because I’m afraid sometimes of how God’s dealings with me will “hurt” other people.

My whole life I’ve heard people in church talk about the anointing and being anointed, praying for anointing, etc., always speaking of it in glowing terms. But sometimes I think the anointing doesn’t just mean favor, blessing, and empowerment. The flip side is real, tangible, life-and-death trouble for those we love, for other people of God. It’s a double-edged sword. I confess I’m a little nervous about innocent bystanders (especially family) having to get “blessed” along with me.

“I have brought about the death of every person in your father’s household.” (22:22)

Dreams

I talked with JR on Friday evening, and then again after church today. Every time we talk I feel like I get a broader perspective on things. (Maybe that’s because we’ve only talked a handful of times in 17+ years of acquaintanceship.) We discussed some stuff going on in our lives, and in church, things we struggle with, etc. and then we got on the subject of dreams. I told him I felt like my dreams and aspirations had been washed away by the relentless waves of life.

He asked me what I think I was put here on earth to do. He said, “What could you do for hours and hours and not even realize time is passing?”

My first thought was, Make love. But I quickly moved on to the next thing, Writing. I was mulling it around in my head without really saying anything when he said, “Whatever that thing is, that’s a passion or gifting that God’s put in you.” He paused, then said, “I’d like to see you writing.”

It was kind of strange, the way he said it.

The Lion and the Bear (1 Samuel 17:36)

The Lord doesn’t just thrust David into a battle. He brings a time of preparation first, circumstances and encounters that build his confidence in God. David learns something about the Lord before He arranges travel plans down into a valley to confront the bristling enemy.

This is what David learned: “This day the LORD will deliver you up into my hands, and I will strike you down and remove your head from you. And I will give the dead bodies of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD does not deliver by sword or by spear; for the battle is the LORD'S and He will give you into our hands.”

David’s confidence was not in his own ability to do exploits, or in any wisdom, strength or “confidence in the flesh.” What he really needed to know to make a public display of Goliath, he learned in the wilderness, in isolation, in unglamourous matters of tending lambs, where no one could see or testify how terrific he was, or even how awesome the Lord was through him.

Samson

The last judge listed in Judges is Samson, who was unique not because of his character flaws, but because he had no support from the people of God. He had no army behind him to rout the enemy and “clean up” after his exploits.

Samson’s another guy you couldn’t let speak in church because of his taste for tattooed, pierced, bad Philistine girls. But here’s the weird thing: without that “fatal flaw” for those femme fatales, there would have been no battles, no rushing of the Spirit of the Lord upon him, no mighty exploits. His parents tried to detract him from his evil course, but the text says, “However, his father and mother did not know that it was of the LORD, for He was seeking an occasion against the Philistines.”

Because there was no help from the Hebrew populace, there had to be a point of contact with the Philistines in order for Samson to kill them. If he’d been a law-abiding, clean-shaven nice guy, he wouldn’t have “gone down” to those cities to break the Philistine choke.

Samson was a special guy. He was born to a barren woman. God foretold his coming, like he did other (more admirable) characters. From before his conception, God knew him and designated him for a unique calling, which he fulfilled.

God. Go figure. He’s not going to rain fire from heaven on those Philistines, or send some choice locusts or a famine their way. No. He’s going to have a weird-looking dude go down there and engage in multiple dysfunctional relationships, get him good and pissed off, and then rush into him to strike the enemies of God and deliver the nation.

Even his death was unlike anything else in the Bible.

And this guy, this maverick that no good woman in her right mind would even hardly stand to be around, this fornicating, lecherous creep, is going to be listed in Hebrews 11 because his trust was in the Almighty.

The Wars of Canaan

So the anger of the LORD burned against Israel, and He said, "Because this nation has transgressed My covenant which I commanded their fathers and has not listened to My voice, I also will no longer drive out before them any of the nations which Joshua left when he died, in order to test Israel by them, whether they will keep the way of the LORD to walk in it as their fathers did, or not." So the LORD allowed those nations to remain, not driving them out quickly; and He did not give them into the hand of Joshua. Now these are the nations which the LORD left, to test Israel by them (that is, all who had not experienced any of the wars of Canaan; only in order that the generations of the sons of Israel might be taught war, those who had not experienced it formerly). ~ Judges 2:20-3:2

Today Inscrutable Girl called my cell phone while I was pitching sodas in Seaford, ostensibly to inform me that one of my favorite clients at my old job died this week and the funeral is Tuesday. After that bit of bad news, we talked for about twenty minutes, playing catch-up. Eventually she asked if there was some way she could contact me that wouldn’t “cause controversy,” which being interpreted means, “without your wife knowing.”

Of course there are ways. There are always ways to be secretive and live out miserably long days and sleepless nights filled with lying and tortured guilt.

I was having a bad day at work anyway. Her call came around 11ish and all morning I had been thinking and praying about a situation at church, a major situation that is being downplayed and not being faced head-on. All morning this Scripture was on my lips, both for myself and for the church:

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. ~ Psalm 51:6

The temptation is there. The temptation may always be there, because I may always have strong feelings for her. Even on the phone, I felt torn between telling her not to call again and trying to get together for lunch. The worst kind of misery is to love someone you can never be with: that kind of pain is beyond human endurance. In time it just splinters you.

I cannot fall headlong again into that sort of agony. And more important, the timing of the thing: that I was alone, feeling sad, feeling overwhelmed, hungry, tired, grieved, angry--and then the phone rang.

I came home and told Jessica about what had happened, because quick confession takes the teeth out of temptation. (Keeping it secret amplifies it.)

People pray for quick and total deliverance, but God doesn’t always grant it. He didn’t relieve Paul of his thorn, whatever it was. We need things to remind us of why we need a Savior, the life of Another. And you just cannot learn warfare in the absence of an enemy.

The wars of Canaan are being waged.

From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force. ~ Matthew 11:12

Jephthah

Sometimes men of faith are easy to envision yourself sitting down with to share a beer and a laugh, and maybe even a fight. We couldn’t possibly let them speak in church because of their generally loose and torrid ways, but if we could, it’d be so interesting. Take Jephthah, for example. What a pip.

The sons of Israel said to the LORD, "We have sinned, do to us whatever seems good to You; only please deliver us this day." So they put away the foreign gods from among them and served the LORD; and He could bear the misery of Israel no longer. Then the sons of Ammon were summoned and they camped in Gilead. And the sons of Israel gathered together and camped in Mizpah. The people, the leaders of Gilead, said to one another, "Who is the man who will begin to fight against the sons of Ammon? He shall become head over all the inhabitants of Gilead."

Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a valiant warrior, but he was the son of a harlot. And Gilead was the father of Jephthah. Gilead's wife bore him sons; and when his wife's sons grew up, they drove Jephthah out and said to him, "You shall not have an inheritance in our father's house, for you are the son of another woman." So Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob; and worthless fellows gathered themselves about Jephthah, and they went out with him. ~ Judges 10:15-11:3

Oh, yeah. Here’s your model of faith, your paradigm of hope, your answer to prayer. The son of a whore, driven from his home, is coming back surrounded by a lot of reprobate worthless losers to deliver the people of God. And he ends up making a rash vow and sacrificing his daughter.

And THIS guy the writer of Hebrews lists as a hero of the faith (Hebrews 11:32). Jephthah, the outcast, the deliverer, believed God.

Judges 2:10

The failure of the Hebrews after their entrance into the Promised Land was rapid: one generation.

All that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel.

And not really one generation, because how could that second generation not know “the work which He had done for Israel,” unless the fathers who took possession of the land did not discuss it as God commanded them? They were supposed to be talking with their children about God’s ways, God’s provision, God’s faithfulness, about God’s beautiful Torah at every opportunity. Every feast, festival, and holy day, every Sabbath, every seventh and fiftieth year, every harvest and springtime, every firstborn, every business transaction: the sum of their lives was intended to be securely bound to remembrance and worship of their God. The Lord prescribed so many interesting things in the law, hoping to inspire dialogue, to grab the hearts and attention of children and give them lifelong memories of worship that inspired and involved all their senses.

But almost from the very beginning, the people settled into the happiness and comfort the Lord provided and forgot Him, just as He said they would.

And it shall be when your son asks you in time to come, saying, "What is this?" then you shall say to him, "With a powerful hand the LORD brought us out of Egypt, from the house of slavery." ~ Exodus 13:14

Church Marathons

Yesterday church was unusual, not least notably because the service was a whopping 3.5 hours long. Several people seemed to be genuinely encouraged, so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ve noticed that’s a primary way of ensuring joy in groups of people.)

Sometimes my wife surprises me with her questions or comments about things. On the way home I asked her what she was thinking. She said, “I don’t know, you might be offended.” Oh man, that’s how to get me INTERESTED--say I’ll be offended. So I said, “C’mon.”

So she said, “How come every time there’s sharing and opportunity for Body ministry the men don’t have the balls to say anything?”

Lord, I love my wife. I love questions like that. That arrow flew right to its mark. It’s such a good question, because it shows she notices exactly what’s missing.

I had stuff to say. I suspect if other men had been there, they would’ve had things to say. But all the women and children who were floating around on Cloud 9 and even the pastor of the church don’t really want to hear what men have to say as leaders. Some of us are thinking thoughts that are controversial, mold-breaking, shocking, threatening to the status quo, and imminently dangerous in a swooping majestic Dark Cloud sort of way.

Maybe they don’t have the balls because they’ve been snipped. Or maybe they (and when I say “they,” I mean me) are just discontented and rebellious.

So something is missing. We tried to address it before: nothing came of it, especially answers. So rather than stir up trouble, I will remain silent.

The, uh... *cough*...Elijah List

This afternoon is the first time I ever looked at the Elijah List website, though I’ve heard of it for years. I think I may puke.

The Elijah List is a haven for a lot of charismatic screwheads who don’t think the Bible is quite sufficient as far as God’s Word goes. These shysters think we must have more. We must be current. We must be relevant. What we need here, people, is more Dr. Suess. Yes, Dr. Suess.

From the Elijah List I have just learned that Horton Hears a Who, far from being merely a clever, enjoyable children’s story, really contains God’s prophetic secret strategy for ending abortion. Now the plan is rather vague, but it has something to do with everyone screaming at the top of his lungs. It doesn’t say what we should bellow, or to whom. Whether we should scream individually or in unison is also unclear. What is clear is that Horton has big ears and a big nose. That, and Christians shouldn’t be Jo-Jos, because Jo-Jos are dubious, lazy characters, and almost as bad as Ho-Hos. Really, folks, God can't get this thing done unless we ALL yell.

Or how about this gem of a hyperlink?

CHUCK PIERCE: "The Pomegranate Represents HEALING, PROSPERITY, AND OVERCOMING!" (Get our Pomegranate Anointing Oil While Supplies Last!)

Yes, folks, if Dr. Suess ain't your thang, we can sell you some anointing oil or a painting or something.

Well-meaning prophets of Baal. Today they’re shrieking, tomorrow they’ll jump around wildly. Who knows, maybe they’ll go all the way and start cutting themselves.

What really bugs me is that I know people from my church take this crap seriously. I can’t believe it. No wonder there is no real vision or word from God. God has allowed us to suffer famine, to be destitute as we run to and fro looking for “words” on the internet and making a mockery of Theodor Geisel, trying to find something to tickle our ears and give us a little spiritual jolt. The God of all the universe loves us, but that doesn’t mean He’ll play our goofy word games or cram Himself into the graven images we've made.

I’m starting to think people would rather have miracles and prophecies and shiny pretty things than Jesus Christ Himself. We’d rather have a show than hear the unadulterated, pure Word of God. We are always looking to the next guest speaker, the next “now word,” the next mountaintop experience.

You know, the church deserves to be laughed at right now. I think Elijah would agree. He’d think his “list” is pure chicanery--he’d probably ask God to destroy the internet on its account.

Sometimes I think it serves us right to not find real satisfaction until we find it in Him, and Him alone. Sometimes I think we deserve our barrenness.

...is it because there is no God in Israel to inquire of His word? ~ 2 Kings 1:16

“Behold, days are coming, declares the Lord GOD, “when I will send a famine on the land, not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, but rather for hearing the words of the LORD. People will stagger from sea to sea and from the north even to the east; they will go to and fro to seek the word of the LORD, but they will not find it. In that day the beautiful virgins and the young men will faint from thirst.” ~ Amos 8:11-13

And the child continued to grow and to become strong in spirit, and he lived in the deserts until the day of his public appearance to Israel. ~ Luke 1:80, of John the Baptist, the prophet who came with a word from the Lord after 400 years of Divine silence

Annas and Caiaphas being the high priests, the word of God came unto John the son of Zacharias in the wilderness. ~ Luke 3:2, of a “voice of one crying in the wilderness”

Joshua 11:20

For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, to meet Israel in battle in order that he might utterly destroy them, that they might receive no mercy, but that he might destroy them, just as the LORD had commanded Moses. ~ Joshua 11:20

Why didn’t God overthrow the nations Himself, as He did the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, instead of partnering with Israel over an extensive period of time?

So His chosen ones could learn to trust Him, to see that God was for them.

God calls us. God chooses us. He puts His word in our hearts and a sword in our hands. The amazing thing about the story of redemption is that God includes us in His eternal work and purposes. And it is not for His benefit or because He needs our help, but for our good, because we need help.

Deuteronomy 30:11-15

For this commandment which I command you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach. It is not in heaven, that you should say, 'Who will go up to heaven for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?' Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, 'Who will cross the sea for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?' But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may observe it.

Foreknowledge of Flimmydiddles (Deuteronomy 31:16-21)

It’s disarming. God goes to all the trouble of bringing the people out of Egypt, performing miracles and providing for them all along the way, leads them through the wilderness, and gives them this beautiful law, a torah to let them know how to live and love each other, and then at this point in the account He reveals His awareness that the people would not be faithful to Him after they were safe and settled in the blessings He provided. The Lord knew this all along, yet He still went to all the trouble.

Who can understand this? Who would marry himself to a woman he knew beforehand would be unfaithful to him?

At times like this it’s hard to know whether to be encouraged or just plain baffled. This much is clear: God works to make a habitation with mankind for His own sake, not because man is deserving or righteous or faithful.

The LORD did not set His love on you nor choose you because you were more in number than any of the peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but because the LORD loved you and kept the oath which He swore to your forefathers, the LORD brought you out by a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. ~ Deuteronomy 7:7, 8

...but the LORD your God turned the curse into a blessing for you because the LORD your God loves you. ~ Deuteronomy 23:5

I’ve heard a lot of preachers compare the graven images and false idols of the Bible to modern idolatries. When I’ve considered my besetting sins, I’ve thought of myself bowing down before an Ashera figure or the Temple of Aphrodite or something. But right now I can’t think of a single Scriptural instance where it says the people hated their idolatries. There was an absence of conflict, apparently: they went a-whoring with their whole hearts.

With me not so, Roderigo. Maybe I am a heathen, but I am a torn heathen. I hate my vices.

Deuteronomy 13:4

You shall follow the LORD your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.

Little by Little

I will not drive them out before you in a single year, that the land may not become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. ~ Exodus 23:29

The LORD your God will clear away these nations before you little by little; you will not be able to put an end to them quickly, for the wild beasts would grow too numerous for you. ~ Deuteronomy 7:22

“Nothing can be done except little by little.” ~ Charles Baudelaire

People want everything to be instant, but change cannot come in a moment. God calls us to cooperation in His purposes, to be yoked with Him in the work of the Kingdom, but for a long haul, for a process of transformation. I do not refer to healing or miracles, but to “possessing the land,” to moving into God’s plan and purpose in our lives–-getting to the place He has called us to be the people He desires.

The “peoples” that surround us, the “nations” He will dispossess before us, the weights and besetting sins and pains and inner idolatries are not all swept away instantly. As much as we want it to go that way, it can never be.

We enter the land step by step, moment by moment, a little at a time.

...Wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground...

A painful evening. Tonight I ran into Inscrutable Girl, and her mother, and her boyfriend, all of whom represent an agonizing couple of pages in the history of my life. At first I was near panic, and in fact I made fast tracks out of the WalMart where the two of us made the realization and quickly looked away to avoid the awkwardness of each other’s eyes.

But I felt her like hot lead in my soul.

I went outside and got in the car and began to pray. When I got home, I went into the back field and looked up at the stars, and shook with crying, and prayed some more.

Nothing is unknown to the God of all the universe. I told Him I love Him more than my family. I told Him I love Him more than Inscrutable Girl. I told Him nothing on earth will satisfy my love for Him. And I told Him I will always love Him. I am an alien and a stranger. He has a friend in the earth.

I had a beautiful, heart-rending, awful, intimate moment with God. And maybe that was His purpose this evening.

Last night I was missing my father quite a bit while looking at a couple of photos that hang on our bedroom wall. One is very iconic in terms of how I remember Dad, and I thought I’d post it here. It was taken at his ordination; he's the one playing the guitar. The character in the center of the photo is Wade Taylor, through whom the Lord made His calling apparent in my life.

Which leads to another prayer in the field awhile ago. I prayed that God would make me a burning bush, a heart aflame through whom He can call others to His purposes, for His glory. These are important times. There are no mistakes.

Then Moses spoke to the LORD, saying, "May the LORD, the God of the spirits of all flesh, appoint a man over the congregation, who will go out and come in before them, and who will lead them out and bring them in, so that the congregation of the LORD will not be like sheep which have no shepherd." ~ Numbers 27:15-17

The bottom line with the current situation at our church seems to be this: we tried to make a pastor out of a person who never once seemed to be a pastor, and God took action (in the way He so often does) by drying up some pocketbooks.

Things that went wrong:
* The congregation had no prior knowledge of the pseudo-pastor, in terms of truly knowing him or his calling.
* The pseudo-pastor's role was never made clear to the congregation, which led to confusion.
* The pseudo-pastor's calling was openly questioned by members of the church.
* The pseudo-pastor demonstrated no ability to speak with authority or insight into people's lives, no experiential knowledge of the Word of God, no capacity for leadership, and no wisdom or originality when faced with conflicts and problems. Yet he was not immediately removed.

The situation placed stress on the lead pastor, who felt responsible for turning the pseudo-pastor into the real thing; on the wannabe, who really wanted to be a pastor and was having to front like Cinderella's gangly stepsisters when the glass slipper was presented and proved to be eight sizes too small; and on the people who had to suffer through the mess for two years plus.

Okay. So, if the real pastor is called to be an overseer and walk in some other ministry that is outside our local body, then the church needs "a man over the congregation."

No obvious candidate comes to mind. This time around, we need no assumptions or good ideas. We need to be praying, as Moses did, that God will make His choice plain to us.

Early this morning I was lying on the living room floor, just sort of relaxing and praying, when into my head popped a memory of the first time the Word of God was opened to me in a way that stirred my heart. I was raised in church and heard my parents preach countless times, but when I was fourteen or fifteen my mother took me to a meeting in the D.C. area where a man named Wade Taylor was to speak. Brother Taylor is still alive, still fulfilling his work in the Lord.

Vividly I remember his message from the third chapter of Exodus, this portion in particular:

So Moses said, “I must turn aside now and see this marvelous sight, why the bush is not burned up.” When the LORD saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.”

Taylor’s preaching that night revolved around the idea that God responded to Moses’ turning aside–“When the LORD saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him...” The Lord waited until He had Moses’ full attention, and then the revelation unfolded. The Lord watched for a response. Taylor intimated that we too have the opportunity to “turn aside” to God, to hear His voice and enter into active participation in His purposes. But without that focus, without turning to gaze, the opportunity may be missed.

Brother Taylor is very soft-spoken, monotone even, and he speaks slowly. He doesn’t tell clever stories or jokes or raise his voice or make wild gestures. By the world’s standard of speaking, he is probably not a good public speaker. But the mystery of the thing is that as he spoke, something was extremely excited within me. It was as if every word he was saying was completely new and fresh: I’d heard the story of the burning bush many times, but I’d never heard such real-life application made as to the meaning of the story to my life. I’d never heard preaching like that.

When I went home that night, I was changed. My view of the Bible had changed. I told my father how “no man spoke as this man spoke,” and he smiled as I related all the revelation I had heard, of “all these deep and insightful things.” (My father was a graduate of Pinecrest Bible Training Center, the school Taylor founded in the late ‘60s.) I prayed to God, "Lord, open Your Word to me the way You do for Wade Taylor. Make it as real to me as it is to him."

In short, that night was a definitive moment, a memorial-place. I can trace the beginnings of my own love of God’s Word, and the style of applicatory, expository teaching that I love, to that one night when I sat under the teaching of Wade Taylor for an hour or two, saw a "burning bush" in my own spirit, and turned aside in my heart to “see this marvelous sight.” And now it has become my prayer that God might use me in the same way.

...and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God. ~ 1 Corinthians 2:4, 5

The remembrance of these things brought a smile to my face.

Three Famines

There are three famines recorded in Genesis: one during the life of Abraham, one during the life of Isaac, and one during the life of Jacob. Each was integral to the unfolding purpose of God in the lives of the fathers.

In Abraham’s case, he went to Egypt to find food (Gen. 12). There is nothing in the text that says God directed him to Egypt: he just went. While in Egypt, Sarah was taken into Pharaoh’s harem and Abraham’s tendency to lie and cover his ass got everyone into trouble. When they finally went back where they belonged, the family had procured an Egyptian bondwoman named Hagar, who would be the mother of Ishmael and cause a lot of problems.

In Isaac’s time (Gen. 26), he demonstrated that he was Abraham’s offspring by lying about HIS wife Rebekah while in the land of the Philistines. (Chivalrous dudes, here.) And this after God had said, “Don’t go to Egypt, now, like your Daddy did. You stay in the land I’ve promised.” In other words, he was afraid of being killed even after God promised to keep him and bless him.

And lastly we have Jacob, who had to practically be kicked into the land of Egypt. He was unwilling to leave the promised land, choosing to send his sons there and back again to buy grain. God appeared to him at Beersheba (46:2-4) to assure him that everything was going to be fine, and that He would surely bring Jacob back to the land of promise.

Three famines, three generations, three different responses, same God working all things for good to those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.

Jacob’s hesitancy to leave the land is, I think, one example of why God loved him and disliked Esau. For all his faults, Jacob was a man with an eye to the promises of God: he believed what God said. Jacob was willing to deceive his father to receive his blessing. Jacob wanted to wrestle, to contend his way into the eternal blessing. From birth his life was marked by a struggle to become something more than what he was. He honored his parents by not fooling around with the Canaanite women. He refused to be buried in Egypt.

Esau, on the other hand, was carnally minded. He sold his birthright for a bowl of beans. He grieved his parents by marrying the daughters of Canaan and Ishmael. He had no vision, no godly passion, no eye to the future, no treasure of God’s heritage.

Jacob, the rapscallion, was precious to God because he had a heart for something more than just the here-and-now. And God wasn’t ashamed of him or of his dysfunctional fathers.

“I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” ~ Exodus 3:6

Fly, Free Bird

Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, "This shall be the law of the leper in the day of his cleansing. Now he shall be brought to the priest, and the priest shall go out to the outside of the camp. Thus the priest shall look, and if the infection of leprosy has been healed in the leper, then the priest shall give orders to take two live clean birds and cedar wood and a scarlet string and hyssop for the one who is to be cleansed. The priest shall also give orders to slay the one bird in an earthenware vessel over running water. As for the live bird, he shall take it together with the cedar wood and the scarlet string and the hyssop, and shall dip them and the live bird in the blood of the bird that was slain over the running water. He shall then sprinkle seven times the one who is to be cleansed from the leprosy and shall pronounce him clean, and shall let the live bird go free over the open field.” ~ Leviticus 14:1-7

It’s my habit to read in the Scriptures nearly every morning (and some evenings), so I intend to use this journal to jot down notes from my readings, but I’ve gotten so far behind in my notes I don’t know what to do. For one thing, I can’t read the Bible if a laptop is humming and shining at me from across the table: it’s too distracting and I want to punch its cycloptic face in. So I’ve been putting notes in a composition book thinking I’ll type them out later, but then I never seem to have time. I suck.

Anyway, it’s Saturday morning and I’m currently in that penultimate page-turner, Leviticus, the third book of the Torah. And like all of God’s Word, it is alive, it is fire, it is food for the hungry. The above text jumped out at me as such an evocative picture of God’s mysterious plan of redemption.

The priest is God’s agent in this affair, he symbolically represents the Lord. He goes outside the camp (condescending, as it were, to the sinner’s level, reaching out to the afflicted in the place of rejection and destitution), toting the sacrifice consisting of two birds, some cedar wood, a scarlet string, and a branch of hyssop.

The scarlet string is a symbol of the blood of Christ. It was a scarlet cord that Rahab the prostitute hung outside her window when Jericho was taken, so that she and her household were saved when God overthrew the city.

God directed the Hebrews to use hyssop branches to smear sacrificial blood on the posts of their doors before the Lord’s Passover. When the Lord killed the firstborn in Egypt, He passed over any house where He saw the blood of a perfect, spotless lamb. After his sin with Bathsheba, David prays, “Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” (Ps. 51:7)

Wood is always present at a sacrifice, though this is an unusual sacrifice. Wood is necessary for burning. When Abraham offered Isaac, Isaac carried the wood. When Christ offered Himself, He carried the wood (the cross).

In other kinds of ritual sacrifices involving birds, both birds were slain. But this offering differs because only one of the birds was killed; the text says it was slain “in an earthenware vessel over running [Hebrew: living] water.” In other words, the blood of the sacrifice was to be mixed with moving water in a clay vessel. In John 7:38 Jesus says:

He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, “From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.”

And Paul writes in his second letter to the Corinthians (4:7-12):

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you.

The offering in Leviticus is a shadow of the work God would perform through the death of Messiah. The death of one bird was only half of the sacrifice, because the other was dipped in the blood and water and then set free. The death of the one made possible the freedom of the other, and the two parts of the sacrifice together paved the way for an unclean man or woman to be reunited with God and His people.

Jesus shed His blood, and we are now the living sacrifice. We are the bird set free.

I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. ~ Romans 12:1

Jacob Have I Loved

Years ago when I first started reading the Scriptures, I held a primarily Armenian philosophy when it came to man’s salvation. That is, I believed it was up to people to make a choice between God’s ways and their own ways, and that their salvation depended upon that choice.

But the more I read in the Word, the more Calvinist I become. I’ve done recent readings of how God “hardened” the heart of Pharaoh for His purpose (to reveal Himself both to His people and to the rest of the world), how He gave Joseph a vision of the future which caused him considerable trouble and which he did not ask for, and how Jacob the deceiver was preferred in God’s eyes over Esau (Romans 9:13).

These things can’t be explained away by modern Pentecostal/Charismatic theologians, who have a (good-intentioned) desire to keep the focus on people’s choice and personal responsibility.

Could Pharaoh have let the Hebrews go at the first request? Could Esau, the firstborn, have received Isaac’s blessing? Could Reuben, not Joseph, have been the rightful leader of his family? Did any of these people have a choice?

I’m not sure we do, either.

What inner passion compels us to seek God’s friendship and mourn hurting Him? What drives us to seek His face even when He seems contradictory or doesn’t meet our expectations in some way? Is it something of ourselves?

Absolutely not. The choice is not mine, but His. The desires, the prayers, the longings, the deep sighs for God, for reality...these emanate from God Himself within me.

“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.” - John 15:16

“...just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will.” - Ephesians 1:4-11

Children's Church

This is just a quick note to myself, because I’m prone to forget why I do things I do. I’m stupid that way, or maybe I just get busy and move on to the next thing in my head.

Anyway, last week during the church service I finally made the decision that I would not have my children going to “children’s church” anymore. It’s something that’s always bothered me, but because they often seem to enjoy the experience I was hesitant to keep them from it. Rebekah especially likes going to children’s church, mostly because of the social aspect of hanging out with other girls.

Here’s the problem. I don’t buy into this idea of telling kids how important they are to the church and then carting them off to a separate room. This is exactly what happened last Sunday morning.

I see no Biblical foundation for the idea of children’s church. Every instance in Scripture, from the tent of meeting in the Torah, to the disciples shooing the little children away and Jesus telling them to knock it off, kids are observed with their parents, hearing the Word of God, seeing the worship, and learning the ways of God, not at some dumbed-down kid’s level, but at the same level as everyone else.

A child’s spiritual tutor from Genesis to Revelation, as prescribed by God, is not a youth minister or children’s church leader. It’s Dad. And Mom too, of course. But Dad is supposed to be leading his family into the worship of God and remembrance of His Word.

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6,7)

In other words, the place kids get their spiritual direction isn’t from a weekly hour of watered-down milktoast spew parroted from the lips of a stranger, but from day-to-day life with Dad and Mom.

The American church’s love of “children’s ministry” has grown from the factual necessity that fathers aren’t there.

Bottom line, my kids belong with me and Jessica. Pursuing God as a family is a goal of mine; I’m not into concepts that bring greater separation.

And the second problem is that the pseudo-pastor’s daughter is a snotty, spoiled little priss of a thing and she fosters a clique-y, nasty atmosphere in the place. And I don’t want my daughters learning that behavior or thinking it’s cool.

Bible 1/20

Genesis 20...Strange Rumblings in Gerar...

Abraham (the father of faith) is once again pissing himself because he's worried that God won't protect him from the people of the land he sojourns in, so he asks Sarah to lie about being his wife. (What a model of resolute trust and integrity.)

And God DEFENDS this lying bad husband. Not only that, He tells Abimelech (who's really sort of innocent in my estimation) to get Abraham to pray for him or else he'll die. So the creep who belongs to God has to pray for the innocent guy, or else.

But this is one of those situations which, in retrospect, couldn't have happened any other way. Abimelech respects Abraham after this event, adds to Abe's already substantial riches, and tells all his subjects to give Abe a wide berth. In other words, God used Abraham's fear and lying as an opportunity to show His favor, both to Abraham and the heathen around him.

Backwards. Far out. Not the way I'd do it. God's ways.

A Couple Thoughts from Job

I read Job earlier this month and was struck by a couple things--simple things really--I'd never noticed before.

1. Job is the only person among the talking heads (besides Satan) to address God Himself. He often answers his stupid friends' arguments and then immediately moves on to pouring out his questions and complaints to the Lord. Job was a man of relationship. He was familiar enough with God to talk to the Lord, and not just about the far and distant Almighty, after the manner of his friends.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways to His face." - Job 13:15

2. Strangely enough, though Job was criticizing, accusing, and questioning God, and his friends Elihu, Bildad, and Zophar were seemingly defending God's position--His righteousness, name, deeds, and justice--God, ever unpredictable, was angry at the friends. The religious types mouthing fat and juicy opinions didn't really know God, and He was mad at them for misrepresenting Him.

3. Job didn't know God either. That's really the crux of the book. After it's over, his questions are silenced and there is only this:

"I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eyes sees Thee. Therefore I retract, and I repent in dust and ashes."

God never once explains the mystery or purpose of Job's circumstances or suffering: in the end He reveals Himself, and that is enough. Job moves beyond a mental understanding, with all its implications of "being a good servant" of the Lord, making sacrifices, praying a lot, teaching his children well, helping the poor, etc., to an experience of El Shaddai.

4. "The words of Job are ended." - 31:40

When the words were expended, revelation came.

5. Satan left Job his wife. Think about it. Ha ha ha.

Bible 1/17

I haven't updated this journal in a long time and I was thinking about scrapping it, but I might just use it to keep notes to myself from my (almost) daily Bible reading. Just jot down little notes and bits of text that stand out to me or seem interesting. I've never succeeded in reading the Bible through in a year, and I'm not holding myself to that standard this year either, though I do think it's good to have some kind of system. I'm going through chronologically and I've already finished the first 20 chapters of Genesis and the Book of Job.

Genesis 12-14. Abraham wasn't the most obedient, faithful guy. God told him to leave his family, but he took his nephew Lot with him, which caused problems among their herdsmen and ended Lot up in Sodom. Sodom was raided and Abraham fought to save his nephew. Further, Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife and stirred up a lot of trouble.

Genesis 15-18. God makes a promise that He will protect Abraham and give him a "great reward." Abraham says, "What? What will You give me? Because You haven't given me what I really want (and what You already promised)." God says, "But I will, and your seed will be as uncountable as the stars."

Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness. (15:6)

Belief=leaving it up to Him, letting Him work out the details, trusting that He knows what He's doing. That sort of simple trust God considers righteousness.

Hagar had a personal promise from God before Sarah did. Hagar was not a "mistake:" she was a part of God's plan.

Why the wang? Why did the sign of the covenant have to be circumcision?

And Abraham said to God, "Oh that Ishmael might live before Thee!" But God said, "No..."

A God who makes this kind of determination isn't the God most Christians believe in. Their God is safer, easier to understand. But the God of Abraham says, "No. Ishmael will be blessed and will live for My purposes in the earth, but My covenant is not with him. It's with someone else, the fruit of you and Sarah." God is so politically incorrect and discriminatory.

And the LORD said, "The outcry of Sodom and Gomorrah is indeed great, and their sin is exceedingly grave...[but] I will not destroy [Sodom] on account of the ten."

The outcry. Sodom must have been terribly harmful to people, absolutely reprobate. Men, women, children, and animals falling victim and held captive by the grossest, violent, miserable sins. It was the mercy of God that determined to destroy the cities, mercy to end the suffering for those past the point of turning. And it was the mercy of God to not destroy the cities if even ten righteous souls could be found in them.