I got off work at 3 P.M. and came home in time for Jessica to go to her ladies’ meeting at the church. (She got home around 7:45--ugh.)
I made an early dinner and talked with the kids. They went to Lewes Beach today with Jessica and her mother. I wasted some time this afternoon surfing journals and playing games and generally avoiding myself before I finally shut the computer off and prayed for a while. I feel so desperate in my spirit lately, desperate in prayer, as if I’m living one long sigh. A few times today I’ve felt almost on the verge of panic, just a rising anguish in my soul.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker–-an earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, “What are you doing?” Or the thing you are making say, “He has no hands ?” Isaiah 45:9
I did the dishes and listened to the Benedictine monks of Santo Domingo de Silos. Gregorian song is the oldest surviving music in the Church, dating back to the 11th century. I hear that music and to me it sounds like faith: calm, resolute, unified, worshipful, awestruck voices. Simple. Nothing like it seems to be produced anymore in the Church--nothing that serene or contemplative, nothing so “at rest.”
Today’s worship leaders are rock stars. You have to pay to see them do their thing. True spiritual inspiration has been replaced by appeals to the soul and the flesh.
* * * * *
“Enoch walked with God, and he was not.”
The pressure I’m feeling is from Him. The circumstances are from Him. The “good works” are His.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
Such a simple phrase, but such a hard task.
I used to have that verse taped to my bathroom mirror. Perhaps I ought to tape it to my mirror again as well as fridge, pantry, and anywhere else I need to keep it in mind. Actually, that'd make a cool tattoo. Too bad I am a chicken.
Anyway, I hope you have a good week. :)
Desperation is not necessarily bad -- maybe the impetus to effect needed change.
Anguish (mental agony), strong word but honest, suggests discontent beyond longing or yearning for better, more akin to suffering, which is responsible for creating many historical prime-movers. Jesus seemed to be in the same place in Lk 22:44 to the point of hematidrosis (sweating blood—haematidrosis for all you Brits).
Point is, maybe its time to step up to the plate. (Rom 11:29)
Post a Comment