Monday, July 2, 2007, 4:45 A.M.

Yesterday I stayed after church awhile chatting with TK; to my surprise, he initiated the conversation. Also to my surprise, he let his guard down a little and shared some real stuff with me. I told him about my frustration with so much of what’s going on in the church, about things like The Call in Nashville and the fact that we–-the church at large–-seem to have our wheels stuck in a spiritual ditch. I tried to explain the sense of emptiness I feel with church.

I was thinking this past week of how the disciples were with Jesus for just 3 or 4 years before they were totally released into ministry, from fishers and publicans to apostles. Not that they had become perfect, or had “arrived,” but He considered them able to teach others and transmit the word of Christ, the word of salvation, after a very brief period of time.

“Yeah, but Jesus was actually present with them,” said TK after I shared that thought.

I understood what he meant, but then I thought of Paul after his conversion. Paul also spent three years learning to hear the voice of God in the quietness of a desert place.

But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, was pleased to reveal His Son in me so that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately consult with flesh and blood, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went away to Arabia, and returned once more to Damascus. Then three years later I went up to Jerusalem to become acquainted with Cephas, and stayed with him fifteen days. (Galatians 1:15-18)

The physical presence of Jesus shouldn’t make a difference. He has given us the Holy Spirit to teach us all things, to lead us into all truth. So the natural question, when I’m looking around at all these faces I’ve seen in church for ten, fifteen, twenty years is, why are we still spiritual babies? Why aren’t we progressing beyond the elemental things? Why are we perpetually stuck in the introspective, woe-is-me-I-am-undone spiritual atmosphere that constitutes the foundational beginning of a walk with God? What’s the missing piece here?

Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. (Hebrews 5:11-14)

TK said he thinks everyone in the church is frustrated, just as I am.

“If that’s true, how come no one’s talking about it?” I asked.

We watched a movie about the life of Martin Luther yesterday afternoon and I was reminded of why I’ve always identified with him, with the anguish of his search to know God and possess truth.

I want to take the next step. We need direction. We need to hear. I am expectant.

“You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north.” (Deuteronomy 2:3)